i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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