I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
