I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
