Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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