Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
