Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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