So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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