The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
