So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
