I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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