i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
