I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
