He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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