Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish life had little blips of pornography
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
