My room smells like vodka and shame
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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