Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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