Dual....:-)
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just sucked dick on a ferry
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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