I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
