felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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