Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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