I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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