Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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