went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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