woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
