There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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