Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
