There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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