how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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