similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
