I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
