im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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