I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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