She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
