I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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