Four minutes until I can fart!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
