We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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