"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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