Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize