Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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