garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
