her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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