3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
