The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
