in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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