Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
