I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
