I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
