i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
