I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
