and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
