Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
