can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
