Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
