before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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