Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
