u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
