whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Help. Why am I so naked?
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