I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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