The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I love having hate sex.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
