I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it was like eating out sand paper
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
