her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
