I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
