Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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