no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
