i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
