I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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