Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
