Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
