If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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