Dude my mom stole all your condoms
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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