we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
