I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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