I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
