This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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