a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
