that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
