Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
